He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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