LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
