That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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