I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
