Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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