i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
