wat bout pragnant strippers??
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
