she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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