At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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