i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
