Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
