I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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