so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
