Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
