You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
