Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
