you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
