In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
