Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
