This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
