party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
