your room smells of hookers.
And success
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
