I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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