Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
