So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I looked at my own cervix.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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