DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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