I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
