Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
