things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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