my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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