counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
