I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
