I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
