I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
