you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
