"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
