Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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