Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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