am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
