Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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