chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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