Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
