I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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