he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
