I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
