My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i think i just lost a toe
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
