we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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