thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
