i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
