We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
