But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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