i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
