my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
