Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
