So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
