Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was so not down for the gang bang
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
