My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
