she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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