This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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