I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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