i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm jealous of your bromance
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
