I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
