just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
