Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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